Forgiveness at it's Root

So, for the past week I've been inside my own head a little too much.

It could be that I either prefer to be alone, in small groups of people or engaged in one-on-one conversation to any larger group gathering. It also could be that the reason I opt out of a lot of social situations is the exhaustion from my son has been waking up at night--screaming and crying (last night for an entire hour, the night before two times for the duration of 3 hours). Another possibility is that the winter this year has been endless, and I'm a bit depressed. Although today I see the sun--which has changed my entire demeanor. Also, some time connecting with a dear friend.

Whatever the reason, when I am inside my own head too much and am not consistently spending time with God things seem out of whack. Little things bother me WAY more than they should, I become selfish and prideful, and often times I have the mindset that can only stem from self-pity (no one really cares about me, sob, sob...)

At these times I feel insecure, overwhelmed, and discontent. These are NOT qualities that God gives me, but qualities with which Satan would love to trip me. Why does it seem that these same sins are constantly pounding at my life, sneaking in unexpectedly, and taking over just when there has been victory? Well, thankfully God is not finished with me, and that there are certain things that resurface if I am not daily asking Him to take them. Also, as I mentioned above, pride. As God tells us in His Word,

Proverbs 16:18
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Haughty is defined as having or showing arrogant superiority to and disdain of those one views as unworthy. Having or showing excessive pride or arrogance. I am prideful--sometimes this manifests itself in the form of excessive humility (...no one wants me there, I'm not good at this...).

Sometimes it surfaces in the form of passing judgment. Sometimes it shows up in anger. And more often than I'd like to admit it is shown in the lives of my kids because they, too, are sinful and also learn from my example. They show the same qualities that I wish were not a part of my own life. Ouch. The qualities that God freely gives me display are the fruit of the Spirit found in

Galatians 5:22.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I am sinful. I am redeemed. This is defined as to save from a state of sinfulness and its consequences, to restore the honor, worth, or reputation of. The GOOD NEWS here is that Jesus knows me more that I even know myself, and loves me anyway. He gave his life for me, full well knowing that I would do these things again. But He is loving me through them even though these things grieve him, and can potentially separate me from Him. He is the definition of GRACE.

Romans 5:7-9 says:

"Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!"

Lord, help me to live consistant to your character. Thank you for your grace!!

Crazy winter

It's the middle of winter where we live, and I am longing for spring. The outdoors is where I find sanity and peace at the same time. My kids are able to be outdoors, we can all have space that we so desperately need some days. But it's now. It's winter. I find myself asking the question...how do I enjoy the present, the day that is today?

Recently, my gracious husband gently reminded me that I have a habit of looking back and remembering only good. This is in itself good, to not dwell on past mistakes and regrets. But I also have a tendency to exaggerate the past--everything is greener and better than it actually was. This brings me to a mindset of not enjoying the present that God has for me at this moment in time. This battle with contentedness is a daily struggle that, unless combated with scripture and truth, wins the war for the day.

The verse that comes to mind is one that I remember singing in Sunday school as a young girl. Psalm "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 11:24

For me to find an attitude of gratitude in each day is key. Rejoicing in what God has for me, living my life between yesterday and tomorrow, and once in a while wearing orange sunglasses lenses to simulate vitamin D found when the sun decides to grace us with it's bright, warm self.

God's Image, Our Identity

God's Timing is good.

The teaching of this topic today was ordained by Him--I don't believe in coincidence, just divine planning.

After attending the YS conference in October my head reeled with information. I was elated to be able to teach a lesson inspired from a seminar taught by Jonalyn Fincher. Today, I finally had the chance to teach the high school students a lesson entitled "Comfortable in my Own Skin: God's Desire for our Identity and Self-Worth."

As women, we wear a lot of hats. But, we can also get caught up in the roles that we play. An exercise I had the students do was to think of all the roles that are played on a daily basis. (sister, [mom], student, [professional]...). Something God has to teach me often is that we are defined by none of these roles. They are blessings meant for us to enjoy, but first and foremost, we are children of God. Until we find our identity fully in Him, all else will pale in comparison and there will always be something missing.

Colossians 3:12 says: “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Do you see that? God has CHOSEN us, we are HOLY and DEARLY LOVED. He's designed us for a purpose--to glorify Him with our entire life. Not in one "role"; but in every aspect of our lives.

Another analogy would be this: we all have different rooms in our houses. A bedroom, a living room, a kitchen. We do different things in those rooms: sleep, relax, eat. They are all built on a foundation, so to seek out what a foundation is made for is key. The foundation holds up the house, supports the rooms, and without it, the house would fall. So the question remains that I daily have to ask myself what is the foundation of my life built upon? Something that will fade away with time, or something solid & true?

Check out Jonalyn Fincher's blog. She is the author of a book entitled
Ruby Slippers: how the soul of a woman brings her home. I recommend this book--as always--to glean from what she's written.