And so I sit here writing my thoughts-complete thoughts at that-it's freeing and it's liberating.
Thoughts which go through my mind:
- Who am I outside of Mom?
- Have I invested intentionally enough in my kids?
- Wow! 6 hours goes by fast!
- I need to have more fun!
- Be the invite-giver!
- What! I can read for pleasure today?
- Who can I commit to connecting with as the year goes, so that I am not in my house by myself for all those hours? Idle time is not a friend for someone who is task-oriented, and likes to be productive.
- Wait! Those hours are well earned. Take a sabbatical.
- Hours- I could probably find a job that would soak up some of those hours.
- I think I'll take a walk without having to have someone find their shoes first. That could actually be great.
It's a bit scattered right now to say the least, but also covered in prayer.
I'm naturally introverted, with a flair for being an extrovert in spurts.
My mind processes things, and I internalize them, or write them down in fear of forgetting them. Once it's written, it's checked off the list. And you'd think I'd remember to write my passwords down but I don't so I'm constantly keeping those passwords guessing. Hey-it's one way to beat the hackers.
The insight God gives me seems to be the truth. He knows what's going on this year, he knows it's flown by as the years are gone with a blink. But He also knows the plans and days He's set for me. So I pray. Reflect. Notice. And wait.
As the school year approached, my mind wondered what I could write on a resume. Over a decade of being at home had caused me to have a very minute amount of resume-worthy skills. So I scoured the help wanted ads, but didn't find one thing that looked interesting. Assuming my kids would always be in the public schools, I applied for a super part-time job where the boys are attending. But of course our town in crawling with retired teachers, who have 30 years experience, so those part time "I think this would be a great hobby" jobs seem to be snatched up before they are even posted. This realization took my heart to places of insecurity and doubt, confusion and introspection. God has a plan I kept telling myself. He knows. Then, in one moment of exasperation, as my patient husband watched me going through this, he asked me if I didn't have a resume, would I not be worth anything? Would God not be able to use me?
Of course I know these truths, and as a Mom I'm often encouraging the kiddos in this manner. God can use you if you're willing. God uses those who are available, God has used many in Bible who do not have the Cadillac of degrees, or who do not have much work history on their resumes. Look at David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. Young David defeated Goliath as he was swinging his sling shot. He was available and willing to bring supper to his brothers, and asked questions. He brought energy and a deep assurance that God was with him as he volunteered to stand up.
As I think of this season, God reminds me of David . Although my closer-to-40-than-30 self is not young, God has taught me some things. He will be with me wherever I go. Go about my daily tasks, Be available, Be willing. Ask questions, Be assured that God is with me and stand up.
Pretty great wisdom from a young'un. So, the Word of God. This is where wisdom has always come from. The Bible, God's instruction book of life. Oh yeah! That book which I put on the back burner a lot of days this summer. I'll start there. And I'll wait on His direction.
