DRIFT.
Our winter was surprisingly slow with commitments and we had every Friday to spend together when the kids were in school. It was a peacful, life-giving, focused time. After Christmas we began the preparation period to move. Although we didn’t have a move date, we began painting and preparing to make our current home a rental. My days were filled with paint, listening to preaching, and books, and rest. Then we moved, and in the period of three weeks we had a tidal wave of hard things to walk with others through. Hard, life-altering, things. And my emotional coping mechanism after a certain point was numbness. It seems at a certain point one doesn’t stop caring, but the tears are dried up. The emotions are emotionless.
In gearing up to the kids summer break my reserves were depleted. I was praying daily for renewal and though I had just finished a bible study and learned to recognized small creeping of drift that enters our lives, my heart was hard. With the busyness of life encircling me, I didn’t even take the time to listen to the small still voice of God saying “Meet with me, read my word, pray.”
With break approaching we decided to hit the ground running when school was out. Our schedule was jammed with kid activities, company, late nights, summer camp and the like. And we drifted. From one baseball game to the next set of vacationers, my husband and I simply didn’t have the energy to talk about the hard things. We noticed drifting in our relationship, and I especially drifted from prioritizing God. The fit-bit tracker showed sleep patterns significantly shifted from peaceful ( before school was out) to about 3 hours of sleep per night- none restful. Finishing a conversation was a far away thought with all the kids home for vacation. Constant kid bickering, consistent people around (for an introvert this is not life-giving) and constant changing of the sheets for more company, I became numb and exhausted from the pace of life. Wishing school would start again so I could breathe. I imagined going to the hospital and checking myself in just to rest. There was no time to just be. To enjoy the new home space. To be at peace to write. To read and challenge my mind. To be still.
BUSYNESS=DRIFTING=EXHAUSTION
My goals for the year needed to be dusted off. My soul was craving depth and rest. And I realized my life was exhausted because the drift experienced was my own lack of trusting and daily relying on God. He was the one to find solace in, and to be renewed by. So was trying to do all on my own, and in essence was too prideful and distracted to pour my hard heart out to Him. And He as always, shows me in His Word this truth.
Hebrews 4:1-16 talks about rest. And obedience, and mercy, and God’s Word. I cannot believe that these things are mentioned in correlation to each other by chance. God wants all of us, and wants us to be free to be who He’s made us to be. But this is hard in life if we do not put up a fight against busyness. We must rest. We must find soul-filling ways to find this Sabbath rest a priority.
“Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said, “So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest.’ ” And yet his works have been finished since the creation of the world. For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words: “On the seventh day God rested from all his works.” And again in the passage above he says, “They shall never enter my rest.” Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.” For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:1-16 NIV
